An open letter to middle and high schoolers on National Walk-Out Day

Dear students,

I would like to tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who loved the underdog. The poor, the socially awkward, the less attractive, the athletically challenged, the nerds, the geeks, the outcasts…those were her people. 

They were the ones who accepted her no matter what. She didn’t have to be flawless, have a perfect home life, be talented or even “normal.” She didn’t have to keep up with the latest fads and make sure that every hair was in place. She could be herself with them, because they only had one rule: if you love and accept me, I’ll love and accept you. 

One day, one of the popular girls approached her. 

“You could be popular, too,” she said. “I can teach you how to talk, walk and dress like one of us. Hang out with me and I’ll help you fit in.”

Fitting in and being popular started sounding pretty good. Sure, she had to dress differently, talk differently, and pretty much completely change who she was. It felt awkward, like putting on a costume and trying out for the lead in the school play, though deep inside she knew she wasn’t an actress. But with time, she would get used to it, she told herself. Eventually, it would all begin to feel normal. She would feel normal. 

“There is one more thing you have to do to really belong with us,” the popular girl said one day. “You have to get rid of your friends. Not only that, you have to do it in front of the entire school, to really prove you are one of us. Ignore them. Make fun of them. Humiliate them. Whatever you have to do to prove that you are now one of us and not one of them, anymore.”

The girl felt sick. She loved her friends. They had been with her through everything good and bad in her life. She didn’t want to hurt them, but she had put so much effort into becoming popular, could she really turn back now?

The next day she was walking with her new friends when her “old” friends approached her. The popular girl looked at her and raised her eyebrows.

“Let’s see what you’re really made of,” her expression seemed to say. 

The girl swallowed hard, and truly believed she had swallowed her own heart. Burying down everything in her that was screaming “THIS IS WRONG!” she turned to her old group of misfits…and began to make fun of them. 

I am ashamed to admit that this is a true story. I was that girl. As I watched my friends’ confusion turn to anger, hurt, betrayal and finally tears, I finally knew deep down exactly what kind of person I wanted to be, and this wasn’t it.

I walked away from the “popular” girls and never walked back. I found my friends and explained everything, not to make excuses for myself, but because I felt that they deserved to know that they weren’t the problem, I was. 

I don’t talk about this event much, but I’m telling this story now for one reason: National Walk-Out Day. 

Around the nation, thousands of students at middle and high schools walked out of their schools to protest gun violence on March 14, 2018, in response to the mass shooting that took place in a Florida school the month prior. 

The shooter was described in news articles by his peers as “awkward; outcast; someone who had trouble fitting in; not accepted socially; different than normal people.”

The school had a special table where all the “weird” unaccepted kids sat, and he wasn’t even allowed to sit there. 

The sad truth is that you could pick almost any school shooter or bomber out of the history books and newspapers and they would all be described that way by their fellow students. 

Students, it is to you I speak. You are children. They are children. All children want to be loved and accepted. Your world is telling you to blame an inanimate object for a heart issue. The truth is, no violent act has ever begun with a weapon. It begins with the heart. 

Now here’s an unpopular opinion: Something that most people won’t tell you is that the heart issue probably didn’t even start in the heart of the murderer. Please, please do not misunderstand me. I am not defending or excusing the murderer, and I definitely believe that anyone capable of performing such an atrocious act should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

However, will you please take time to consider that maybe the first act of violence wasn’t committed with a weapon, but a word?  Words like “outcast; misfit; weird.” Or maybe it was being ignored and shunned, when all they wanted was to be accepted. Maybe they weren’t accepted at home, either. 

I absolutely believe that something needs to be done to stop school violence, but I do not believe that walking out of school is the answer. I read several social media posts today where people were encouraging students to “walk up” instead. Walk up to the kid sitting alone, the one with the shabby clothes and bad haircut, the one nobody speaks to. Smile at them, say hello, ask how they are doing and be sincere. Sit down with them and eat a meal together. 

But don’t only do that for one day. Do it every day. Step outside of your normal social clique and befriend those who have no friends. Smile at them every day. Speak to them every day. Let them know that they are noticed by someone. That is the best thing any student can do to prevent future school massacres.  

Sincerely,

A former misfit